Matt Wieters

[HoustonGM]

Over at Baseball Think Factory, thanks to all the media and projection hype for him, Matt Wieters has became a Chuck Norris-esque figure. Check out this thread. Some of my favorites:

"Wieters is so humble, Jesus wrote a testament about him."

"There are no sports curses, only teams that Matt Wieters doesn't like."

"When a pitcher plunks Matt Wieters, the ball is awarded first base for enduring the pain."

"Matt Wieters took batting practice this morning. There were no survivors."

"Every love song ever written has been about Matt Wieters."

"Good thing he's a switch-hitter then."

"Matt Wieters swings both ways?"

"No. Both ways swing Matt Wieters. Matt Wieters swings a redwood tree trunk with three different endangered species of owl living on what would be the barrel of a normal bat."

"Matt Wieters is so great that Curt Schilling was rendered speechless."

"Contrary to popular belief, Fox's Scooter is not a digital creation, what you see is actual footage from 1985 of the very sperm cell that became Matt Wieters."

"Matt Wieters violently raped my sister and I thanked him for it."

"Matt Wieters sent Carl Everett back to the Stone Age."

"Matt Wieters' penis is so big that it has its own penis, and even that penis is bigger than your penis."

"A pitcher once tried to send a pitch at Matt Wieters' head. He caught the ball in mid-air and then preceded to throw it back to the pitcher, saying "How about you try and throw it over the plate.""

"In the future, MVP and HOF selections will be made by the Baseball Wieters Association of America."

Feel free to add more !

[Alloutwar]

lollercopter

Wieters' tears bring plants sprouting from salted earth. Or they would, if Matt Wieters ever cried.

[RedsoxRockies]

Pitchers don't throw to Matt Weiters... Matt Weiters gravitationally pulls the balls to him.

[HoustonGM]

Not bad, not bad.

[Alloutwar]

Matt Weiters has already won the MVP for 2009. For both leagues.

Matt Weiters declined to participate in the World Baseball Classic, stating that it is clearly not meant for otherworldy beings like himself.

When Vladimir Putin goes to bed at night, he has nightmares about Matt Weiters.

[Alloutwar]

If Matt Weiters would just go on a drug-induced bender and then find religion, then he might be as good as Josh Hamilton. Almost.

[HoustonGM]

Matt Weiters declined to participate in the World Baseball Classic, stating that it is clearly not meant for otherworldy beings like himself.

From the BTF thread:

Matt Wieters is accepted by the U.N. as a sovereign nation and will participate in the 2013 WBC.

If Matt Weiters would just go on a drug-induced bender and then find religion, then he might be as good as Josh Hamilton. Almost.

BLASPHEMY!

[KowboyKoop]

Matt Wieters is what Willis was talkin' about

[KowboyKoop]

Matt Wieters is too legit to quit

[KowboyKoop]

George Bush was right about Iraq having a weapon of mass destruction. Then Matt Wieters left.

[ragecage]

Matt Wieters taught Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris all they know.

[Alloutwar]

Matt Weiters is Obama's inspiration.

[KowboyKoop]

Only Matt Wieters knows how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

[RedsoxRockies]

Most of America is made in China. But China is made in Matt Weiters.

Matt Weiters penis gets so hard he can use it as a bat and still get girls pregnant at night.

[Arctic Blast]

Matt Wieters is what Willis was talkin' about

Nice.