WWJD - Jesus Christ's Major League Comeback (2005 Red Sox)

(Hello everybody! I've been inspired lately reading all your wonderful dynasties. Many of them are enjoyable reads, but something has been missing from every dynasty so far. I couldn't help but notice a lack of divine inspiration when reading through the exploits of our favorite teams and players. Last night, I prayed to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to give me an idea for a team to begin a Christ-centered dynasty with, and He told me to clean up the Boston Red Sox, circa 2004-2005. Often called the "idiots" I am told that this team put personal exploits and financial benefits first before Jesus, and He's not happy about that. My goal will be to get rid of the most sinful, non-believers on the team and move forward with a new beginning that the players and fans will enjoy. It's no secret that during this time period, the city of Boston was depressed, lethargic and lacking motivation to get up in the morning. By bringing Jesus Christ back into the game, I hope to change that! I hope you all enjoy, and God Bless!)

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John Henry was a new man. John Henry was a driven man; a man with a new purpose and a new direction in life.

After the 2004 Boston Red Sox won the World Series, through the eyes of Jesus Christ and the rest of baseball, this was a team that was all about carnal pleasures. Many players regularly cheated on their wives and/or practiced pre-marital sex. The use of profanity was "through the roof" (as the saying goes) in the clubhouse, often taking the name of the Lord in vain. Greed and envy ran rampant in the clubhouse. Once players found out that Boston Red Sox outfielder Manny Ramirez had purchased a new 40-foot yacht and named it Hundred Dolla Dolla Bill$ Y'all, other players felt they needed to follow suit. There was no Christ-centered leader in the clubhouse to step up and stop this path that the team was going down.

Until the night of January 7, 2005, John Henry was the same type of person. Henry partied with the players regularly, celebrating their first World Series win in however many years. Until the night of January 7, 2005, the last time Henry had touched any type of illegal drugs was back in the 1960s, when he was experimenting with the so-called hippie-culture and shunning Jesus Christ in the process. Henry had met and hung out with bands like The Beatles, The Doors, and other drug-addled musicians before they became famous. Eventually, he would get over this phase of rock n' roll immaturity in his life, since it's always a phase that children go through. He would become a successful businessman, buying the Florida Marlins before realizing he meant to purchase the wrong team. Apparently, he hit a wrong button and ended up buying the Marlins instead. (I'm not sure how the process works myself.)

Anyway, he would eventually buy the Boston Red Sox and they won the World Series. It as an all-night "Sin-a-thon" on the night of January 7, 2005. Henry was partying in a hotel suite with other heathen sinners Kevin Millar, Manny Ramirez, Johnny Damon, Derek Lowe, Bronson Arroyo and Byung-Hyun Kim. Kim probably didn't know what he was doing there since he didn't speak English or accept Jesus Christ as his personal savior, but he was there, from what John Henry told me. There was rampant drug and alcohol usage, as well as scantily-clad women who were not in a legal marriage with any of these players. Henry would overdose on a near-fatal of drugs and alcohol that night and was barely revived. I met him in the hospital that night.

"Tad, oh my god, Tad, wha-what happened?" Henry said, barely able to speak.

"John, you almost died last night. What were you thinking? And please don't use the name of the Lord in vain. You know that He doesn't approve, and neither do I," I replied.

"S... sorry, is this heaven?" he asked timidly.

*ROTFLMAO*!!! "JOHN, there's no way this is Heaven! What makes you think you deserve to walk with the Lord after the night you had? You're here with me in some run-down hospital somewhere in the Boston area. I have no idea where we are. I just followed the ambulance!"

"Tad, I'm so happy you're here. You're the only one that came to see me. How can I repay you?" he asked me.

"John, I don't want you to travel this downward spiral on your way to Hell like the rest of the Boston Red Sox. I'm going to help you. Put me in charge of the team and we can clean things up!" I offered, out of the goodness of my heart.

"You know Tad? You're right. Let me sleep this off and in the morning I'll have a meeting with Theo and the rest of the front office to tell them their services are no longer needed, World Series or not. The rest of Red Sox Nation will be hung over until Opening Day anyway, so it's not like they'll notice Theo is gone."

"John, this is the right decision. Let's have a prayer together for the Lord's blessings."

I prayed with John that night for his forgiveness. I really didn't feel that the Lord would forgive him yet for the sinful life he had lived. In my informed opinion, it would take at least another three weeks of daily and nightly prayers before He would forgive John Henry, but I was committed to help my old friend out.

(To Be Continued)

lol

This is great.

John Henry: "Hey Theo, thanks for coming on such short notice! Why don't you close the door and have a seat?"

Theo Epstein: "John, it's a miracle you're back to work so soon! It's such passion that you're exhibiting for this team. What can I do for you?"

JH: "Well, Theo... we're going to be making some changes on the 2005 Red Sox. Some big heavenly changes."

TE: "OK, I'm ears. What do you have in mind? Are you down on Damon? We've had some calls already for him, even at his salary."

JH: "No... not quite."

TE: "Hmm, Ramirez? Teams are interested, but we'd have to pay a significant portion of his salary, even at his production level."

JH: "No, I'm thinking of somebody... higher."

TE: "Higher? John, I don't follow. 'Higher' as in tall? Or...?"

JH: "No Theo, I'm thinking of somebody in this front office right now. Actually, I'm thinking of somebody in this exact room right now, and it's not me."

TE: "John, what are you trying to say? Just tell me."

JH: "Theo, it's time to let you go."

TE: "John, you're kidding! We just won the World Series! WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU?!?"

JH: "DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK UP LIKE ME TO THAT, YOUNG MAN! HONOR THY FATHER AND THY MOTHER! If I was your father, I'd have you across my knee with the belt to your behind!"

TE: "What?!? You're insane!"

JH: "No Theo, YOU'RE INSANE! And you're FIRED! It's your fault that the clubhouse turned into Sodom and Gomorrah!"

TE: "John, we won the ****in' World Series man! Calm down!"

JH: "Theo, do not curse in this newly-crowned house of the Lord! YOU'RE FIRED! Pack up your things now! Take that hippie Arroyo with you. You two can go play some sad songs with Gammons on guitar."

TE: "OK, fine, I'm done. Who's going to replace me though?!? Tell me that!"

JH: "My childhood friend, Tadley 'Tad' Knackers. We need somebody who is going to restore FAITH to this clubhouse, team, and city. Today, we announce our newest signing, and that's signing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to be first and foremost in our lives!"

TE: "Umm... is it April Fools Day and I don't know about it? Is Ashton Kutcher around here or something?"

JH: "Theo, it's been good. Actually, no, it's been mediocre. The World Series doesn't matter if Jesus doesn't approve. Go call up Billy Beane and support gay marriage or whatever you do."

TE: "Umm John, you're thinking of Billy Bean. He's the gay one."

JH: "Bean... Beane... whatever. Beane's a queen anyway. NOW GET OUT!"

TE: "But John, that wasn't very Christi..."

JH: "OUT!!!"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tad Knackers

If I was your father, I'd have you across my knee with the belt to your behind!"

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mmm oh my! this is already the best dynasty ever. :eek: i can't wait for the "action" to start!

You had me at Jesus...