Originally Posted by
YEAH DAAAAWG
What The Steal Did to Me
By: John Monahan
I’d always been a casual fan of baseball, I knew most of the big names, Manny Ramirez, Nomar Garciaparra, Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, Roger Clemens, and I’d even attended a few games visiting my sister in San Diego, but I’d never been a very serious fan of the game, and I never played or even watched on television that much. (That was a very long "sentence" that could be broken down into two or three "segments". Too many commas.) However, in 2004 I got swept up into Red Sox-mania, and found myself watching nearly every game late in the season. But the moment that brought me to where I am today, and the reason I am writing this very essay, was Dave Roberts (apostrophe after the "s" in Roberts, unless you rephrase it to say "the stolen base by Dave Roberts") steal of second base in Game 4 of the ALCS against the Yankees. I still remember sitting in my parents Jetta in the Shaw’s parking lot listening to the game while my mom was picking some stuff up on the way home. There were only a few other cars around, and I remember being ready to cry because I thought the Red Sox would lose, and I remember swearing at Mariano Rivera to throw the ball and let Roberts steal the base. Well Roberts did steal that base, and little did I realize the implications it would have not just on the Red Sox, but on me as well.
That steal was the turning point of the series, and it sparked the most historic come back in baseball history, (End the sentence after "history" and start a new one with "it" since it's a completely new thought.) it sparked the Red Sox to their first World Championship in 86 years, and has more than a little to do with why they are where they are today, (Same thing. The fragment after the comma is a sentence in itself.) that’s the type of thing that resonates through an organization for years after it happens. And as I watched the Red Sox celebrate their World Series victory I realized then that that was what I wanted. (Maybe you could put this into context a little more. One minute you are "listening to the game" while your mom was shopping, and then you are watching them celebrate. It was on the radio, right? Or was this on TV somewhere in a nearby store?) I wanted to feel the euphoria, the rush, and the sense of accomplishment of winning a Championship (no need to capitalize "championship" unless it's a proper noun). “The Steal” transformed me. I knew I would never have the talent to play on the field and be the one hitting the home runs and striking the hitters out. (The first "and" should be a comma. Don't say this and this and this and this.) But I knew I was smart enough and determined enough to be the one to put together a World Series winning ball club, I knew I could become the next great General Manager in Major League Baseball.
Ever since then I’ve been one of the most diehard baseball fans you’ll ever meet, and ever since then all I’ve wanted to do with my life is work in professional baseball and become the General Manager of a Major League Baseball team and major in Sports Management (same thing with the "and" thing again), and ever since I knew Springfield existed I knew it was where I wanted to go. (Another "and".) But I know that the competition for jobs in professional sports is just as fierce as the competition on the field. Well, I guess it’s a good thing I’m competitive, because my competitive edge and a degree from Springfield College will give me a big leg up on the competition. (This seems like too abrupt of an ending, as well as not enough information about why you want to attend THIS COLLEGE. It's great you have big dreams, but what's so special about this school compared to all of the other ones?)
