Ask Joe Morgan

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Originally Posted by CatKnight

Joe:

What's the meaning of life?

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CatKnight, there comes a time in every man's life when he asks himself this question. Are you happy in your life? Since I see you on the Baseball Mogul forums, that makes me believe that your happiness is tied to the success of your team. So in order for you to be happy, you're going to need to sign some good pitchers from free agency. Right now, my 4th starter is rated 73, but he's 11-7 so far this season, so he makes me happy. If he was 7-11, I would be unhappy and would likely be asking myself the meaning of life just like you. So get some good players and you should be happy.

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Originally Posted by Polkovnik_Alex

Joe, do you and Jon Miller ever get lonely in that booth together and... oh nevermind.

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Polkovnik_Alex... while I don't get lonely when I'm with Jon, there are times when I am a little annoyed. I've been thinking about going solo when my contract is up, because some time I honestly feel like he's holding me back. Last week during a game broadcast, I was talking about the importance of scoring more runs than the other team and he interrupted me with something about OPS or DICE or some statistic I've never heard of. It really got me a little upset and I let him know this during the commercial break.

rotfl

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Originally Posted by JeepGuy63

Joe,

Can you share any funny stories about any of your teammates and fellow HOFers?

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JeepGuy, I must have tripped and unplugged my computer, because I had a couple of stories typed up and I tried to submit them and it signed me out. I'm guessing too many people were posting at once and it kicked me out.

I was saying before that some stories are a little too inappropriate and I couldn't tell those, simply because there are children on these boards, like HoustonGM and those two Rockies fans, but I have a couple I can share.

A few years ago, I was talking with Johnny Bench at an autograph show. We were discussing the great Reds teams that we were both a part of and I was trying to explain to him that the reason we were so consistently good was the fact that we scored more runs than the other team. Long story short, we got into an escalated argument, stepped outside, and we got into a fist fight. I know some tai chi or kung fu or something like that, so I gave him a left, and a right, and another left. We were rolling around on the ground in our suits. He landed a couple of cheap shots, but nothing too bad. We finally got over it, shook hands like gentlemen and went our separate ways, but little did he know that I snatched his wallet. I charged up a bunch of porn sites and phone sex lines on it. Well, I had an assistant that knows how to do that sort of thing do it for me. I didn't do it myself. He still thinks it was Pete Rose to this day.

Another story, well not really a funny story about a teammate, but I think ESPN has pulled a couple of fast ones on me. Twice now I was supposed to meet a woman named Emmy, but I never have. They've given me an award in her place instead, but I would still like to meet her. Is she a fan? Or is that another joke? Probably George Foster trying to get revenge on me from the time we put a laxative in his drink at a team luncheon.

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Originally Posted by RedsoxRockies

Joe, how does the phsychology of a goat compare to your own?

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RedsoxRockies, I'm not too familiar with goats, but there are two main things about goats. First, I think female goats are called nannies, and I have had a nanny before. Secondly, I also think that young goats are referred to as kids, and I've signed a lot of autographs for kids. Finally, I've read that male and female goats have beards, and I have met male and female fans that have beards.

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Originally Posted by nuzzy62

Joe,

How would you rate Dave Concepcion?

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He's not a very good cook. Anytime he would cook something, it would give me horrible gas.

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Originally Posted by metsguy234

Joe,

Billy Wagner has been having some troubles lately. Is he still a pitcher who can pitch or has he lost his pitching ability?

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Metsguy, I still think Billy Wagner can pitch himself out of the slump he's been in recently. He's a good pitcher, but I've never seen him play myself. The hard part about playing in New York is the intensity of the fans. Billy Wagner is an intense player himself, often calling out teammates if he feels they aren't doing their part to help the team win, and he's right. The key to the Mets turning their season around is to have the offense start scoring more runs and to have their pitching staff stop giving up so many runs. This is what Willie Randolph has to tell his team, and they need people like Billy Wagner, David Wright, and others to get the message across. Aaron Heilman needs to start pitching better as well. Is he still on the Mets? I heard he's pretty good.

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Originally Posted by YEAH DAAAAWG

Joe, why did the chicken cross the road?

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YEAH DAAAAWG, I can't be too sure about this, so I consulted our editorial staff and none of them knew either. I can say that on vacation last year, I hit a raccoon while I was driving and almost wet myself.

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Originally Posted by Swampdog

Joe Imposter.....is this all you have to do with your life?

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Swamp poodle, no... I post as others.

Like this, bunghole.

And this, dillweed. Huh huh huh huh huh.

Y'know, at first Joe Morgan was annoying me...but I just about bust a gut laughing at every single one of his posts on this page. Keep it up, man, it keeps getting better. :D

Oh, and Joe, how, as a world, can we cross our various ethnic, tribal and economic bounds and truly become one people? Or, are we doomed to an existence of living separate lives spent watching each other's moves from afar?

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Originally Posted by Joe Morgan

Finally, I've read that male and female goats have beards, and I have met male and female fans that have beards.

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This made me burst into laughter.

[QUOTE= I have met male and female fans that have beards.[/QUOTE]


lol hilarious!