George Steinbrenner Dies While Telling Sons Secret To Running Yankees

TAMPA, FL—While on his deathbed in his Tampa home, Yankees owner George Steinbrenner ordered his hospice nurse out of the room, motioned for his sons Hal and Hank to come closer, and began whispering the generations-old secret to making the Yankees a winning ballclub before abruptly dying mid-speech. "He just said, 'All you have to do to ensure the continued success of the Yankee franchise is…is…yell... at…' and then he was gone," Hank Steinbrenner told reporters Monday morning. "I kept banging his chest and screaming 'Yell at who?! Who are we supposed to yell at? Wake up, you old *******!' but it was too late. We did, however, find this mysterious golden amulet in his pocket…but that can't be it, can it? Can it?" He then announced plans to fire every employee in the company one by one until the Yankees return to first place.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news...inbrenner_dies

Oh god...

I think that they need to bury Billy Martin under home plate to counteract the David Ortiz jersey curse.

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I think that they need to bury Billy Martin under home plate to counteract the David Ortiz jersey curse.

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I'd say bury David Ortiz under home plate. Right next to Jimmy Hoffa and the Golden Thong. That should do it.

When George finally goes, do you think he will be allowed to fire Billy in the afterlife?

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Originally Posted by grasshopper

I'd say bury David Ortiz under home plate. Right next to Jimmy Hoffa and the Golden Thong. That should do it.

When George finally goes, do you think he will be allowed to fire Billy in the afterlife?

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Have you seen Ortiz? I think the mound may work, but home plate..... not so much. ;)

Actually, we should scratch this idea. If he decomposed, the whole mound would sink about 7 feet.:p

Good point, how about we just put some string on him and run him in the Macy's parade instead? :)

Not up to your usual standard, Wass...too, I'm disappointed in The Onion...up to now, I've thought them funny, without being vulgar, or morbid.

No matter how much Steinbrenner is detested in the baseball world (and, who knows, he might be a Mother Teresa in private life?), he doesn't deserve to be the butt of such a tasteless joke.

But if we tie string to him, how are we going to get those great aerial shots from the Goodyear Ortiz piloted by Giambi in his thong?

Wow, this has deteriorated fast. :)

Airship Bartolo?
Yes, we've become degenerate rather quickly haven't we?

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Originally Posted by Rongar

Not up to your usual standard, Wass...too, I'm disappointed in The Onion...up to now, I've thought them funny, without being vulgar, or morbid.

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The Onion? Not vulgar or morbid?!?
:eek:

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Originally Posted by ohms_law

The Onion? Not vulgar or morbid?!?
:eek:

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...or so I've assumed, Ohms, guided by your very own expressed enthusiasm for the site, and my (sole) reading of their cinema reviews...

heh

Read some more of the articles. Their plenty vulgar and morbid when the occasion calls for it. I don't see anything wrong with that, since it's not egregious. They don't turn to vulgarity or morbidity for every story.

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Originally Posted by ohms_law

heh

Read some more of the articles. Their plenty vulgar and morbid when the occasion calls for it. I don't see anything wrong with that, since it's not egregious. They don't turn to vulgarity or morbidity for every story.

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If they're anything like the foregoing Steinbrenner joke, I'll pass

Yankees! Yankees!