The many reasons to love Greg Maddux

From Shysterball:

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I can't let John Smoltz's comments from the Dan Patrick Show last week go unnoticed. Courtesy of an anonymous poster, Smoltzie had this to say about his good friend and former teammate Greg Maddux:

1. In spring training they drive rentals and Maddux would follow him around and rear end him at all the stop signs until his bumper fell off;

2. Maddux would get in Smoltz's rental car and spit tobacco juice all over and leave booggers all over;

3. Maddux likes to leave big loogies on the ceiling around the clubhouse in the hopes that they'd drip on pedestrians;

4. Maddux would just make **** up in the dugout. He'd say, "Any fly ball that hangs for 6 seconds has to be caught" and then everyone would start counting seconds and arguing about it.

As Tim Keown wrote of Maddux, Throws right, bats right, farts left.

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I've heard he pees on rookies in the shower. It's gonna be a sad day when he calls it quits.

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Originally Posted by SoulMan

I've heard he pees on rookies in the shower. It's gonna be a sad day when he calls it quits.

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Greg Maddux? Quits? PLEASE! That'll never happen.

man i miss him on the braves :(

I wish I hadnt seen this thread. I used to like Maddux. I can picture some demented 11 year old admiring Maddux for these things.

#1, #2, and #4 are just all things that a funny guy does, and aren't harmful to anything. #3 is kind of gross, but also, isn't it just as possible that Smoltz is pulling Maddux's leg by saying that? It seems the two have a very fun, prank-filled relationship.

This kind of thing isn't at all uncommon in Major League Baseball, either. At all.
:D

I lollered. I was very happy when Ned Colletti traded for Maddux a couple years ago, and hated it when they let him go to SD. Definitely one of my favorite players, even though he's spent most of his career in a non-Dodger uniform.

Its hard to picture Maddux doing this stuff lol

I still fondly remember Maddux and Glavine in those "Chicks did the long ball." commercials from many years back.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ltD21rYWVw

(Jesus...how inadvertently hilarious is it now to see that McGwire-Nike billboard claiming that it's because of the shoes...)

And, actually, I've read a few different accounts of Maddux as the clubhouse prankster, so none of this really surprises me that much.

I find it ridiculous that Maddux is swinging a bat into Glavine's nuts!:p

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Originally Posted by HoustonGM

I find it ridiculous that Maddux is swinging a bat into Glavine's nuts!:p

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Lol! I laughed at that scene again, as well.

Yeah, that definitely helps your home run power. NUTSHOTS!

Ok, so if I follow someone around and rear end him at stop signs until his bumper falls off, thats what a "funny" guy does? If someone gets in YOUR car and spits tobacco juice everywhere and leaves boogers all over the car, thats funny to you? Its ridiculous behavior, as juvenile and inane as it gets. I see nothing at all "harmless" about hitting another vehicle at a stop sign. This reminds me of the movie "The Program", in which college athletes showed their bravery by lying in the middle of a highway, screaming while traffic roared past. Then, when a few kids in real life emulated this and tried this ****, and were killed, and others injured, they cut that scene from the movie, and it wasn't so "funny" or harmless" anymore.

Well, I for one was assuming that it was sort of at harmless times - ie not in traffic, but at a stop sign outside the park or something. I am also assuming he ends up paying for all damages and cleaning and such, probably with extra for the trouble? Or maybe the team pays that, I have no idea.

Clearly, if he does all this with no concern for cleaning things up afterwards, or endangering people, that would be quite negative; but I'm assuming as a public figure (and easy-going ballplayer) he doesn't quite let this get that dangerous or anything.

AOW....I hope you are correct. Thats another angle, of course, that kids dont factor in when they commit acts of vandalism. Insurance pays for the damage initially, and then....who pays ultimately?

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Originally Posted by Swampdog

Ok, so if I follow someone around and rear end him at stop signs until his bumper falls off, thats what a "funny" guy does? If someone gets in YOUR car and spits tobacco juice everywhere and leaves boogers all over the car, thats funny to you? Its ridiculous behavior, as juvenile and inane as it gets. I see nothing at all "harmless" about hitting another vehicle at a stop sign. This reminds me of the movie "The Program", in which college athletes showed their bravery by lying in the middle of a highway, screaming while traffic roared past. Then, when a few kids in real life emulated this and tried this ****, and were killed, and others injured, they cut that scene from the movie, and it wasn't so "funny" or harmless" anymore.

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whoa dude, who peed in your cornflakes this morning? Lighten up. Practical jokes are NOT on the same level as idiots trying to get themselves killed. Not even close, and that kind of parallel should not even be attempted to be drawn. If people are stupid enough to be doing something like lying down in the middle of traffic, then I hate to say it but they are diluting the gene pool to begin with. As for whatever damage Maddux may have done to the car, I'm sure that was taken care of financially, either by him personally or by the team. He is a multi-millionaire, after all. He could afford to buy that rental car outright, just for the sake of a joke, if it pleased him to do so. And he was not hitting just anyone, he was doing it to a friend who knows him for what he is and could also easily afford to pay for any damage done. Sheesh.

If you choose to believe that, BC, thats your prerogative.

It is and I do.

Athletes are so often called down on their behavior...and their belief, or seeming belief....that they can do anything they want, and get away with it. The rules don't apply to them. So when a likable guy like Maddux does something tasteless in the form of a practical joke, so many roar with laughter, and imply that we should love him for that. Tell me, if your teenager had done those things, would you say it was so funny and harmless? I rather doubt it.

You know what would be really funny? Maybe next time Maddux can set the Smoltz vehicle on fire. Imagine the look on John's face when he sees his rental car (at a safe distance, of course) with 10 foot flames leaping from it. Picture the side splitting laughter when there is an explosion, and pieces of the broken vehicle fall harmlessly all around the stricken Smoltz.

Or maybe, instead of boogers and tobacco juice, why not just defecate and urinate all up in Smoltz' car? Who wouldn't think its hilarious when John, late for a meeting, sits right in the middle of all that. Thats just good, clean fun, I guess.

Sorry, I don't see it. I can appreciate a good joke as much as anyone (trading the guy to a Japanese team was fun, I thought), but why do people giggle like schoolgirls when Maddux does this, when you would be mad as h.e.l.l. if someone did the same thing to you? And the harmless part....how do the same people view this if Smoltz, with his multimillion dollar contract happened to get hurt in some way, as a result of these "funny" antics?

Yeah, I agree with beerchaser. It's not like Maddux is driving around towns rear-ending strangers. He's busting his friends chops, and I'm sure he has to pay for the broken bumpers, but really, that's chump change to him...

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Originally Posted by Swampdog

but why do people giggle like schoolgirls when Maddux does this, when you would be mad as h.e.l.l. if someone did the same thing to you?

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I'd be mad if someone broke my bumper because I don't have the money to pay for it, and I'd bet that they don't either. If I was a multimillionaire and my best friend rear-ended my rental car until the bumper fell off, I would laugh.

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And the harmless part....how do the same people view this if Smoltz, with his multimillion dollar contract happened to get hurt in some way, as a result of these "funny" antics?

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I don't think Maddux would do anything to Smoltz that put him at any risk of getting hurt. None of these things that Smoltz said Maddux did pose any injury risk, not even the rear-ending thing. I'm sure Maddux wasn't going full speed into Smoltz's car, and from the sound of it, it sounded like it took Maddux multiple stop signs to knock a bumper off, so I'd imagine it wasn't anything dangerous to either him or Smoltz.

good grief.

lighten up, these guys make enough money to pay for a bumber and cleaning, as long as no one gets hurt because of said behavior. I believe someone just doesn't like Maddux, maybe because he has made a career of beating your team.

Think again, Reade. I already said that I always liked Maddux. I am a Red Sox fan.... so how many times do you think that Maddux "beat my team"?

You must be used to dealing with devious people to say something like that. There's no hidden agenda on my part. I dont admire inane, juvenile behavior from adults that should know better. Maybe you do, and as I previously stated, thats your prerogative as well. I sincerely hope that no one does these type things to you, because, despite the expected protests, I do not believe that you would laugh.

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Originally Posted by Swampdog

I sincerely hope that no one does these type things to you, because, despite the expected protests, I do not believe that you would laugh.

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If it was a friend doing it, I would laugh. Friends play jokes and mess around with each other all the time. Obviously, it's wrong to do these sorts of things to strangers or people you aren't close with, but I don't think that's what Maddux was doing.

Guys, I was a little perturbed when I read the original Maddux stuff too...I thought it sounded like a pretty crappy guy, to be honest. Only when I thought about it, and figured that he pays for his damages and does them all in good fun, did I let go of that feeling.

Maybe I (and the other poster) have something of a high moral standing, or just don't play any practical jokes of that nature, or maybe the article was just worded to give us the wrong impression - either way, it's not completely unforgiveable. But at this point we can most likely safely assume that he 'cleans up' in one way or another, or else there would be police reports, negative stuff posted by old teammates, etc.

In case you didn't know, practical jokes can be dangerous.

Ok I looked it up. In 8 starts against Boston, Maddux is 5-1 with a 3.38 ERA. Yeah, now I REALLY despise the guy. Gawd.

I have also previously posted...somewhere...that Maddux is, in my opinion, one of the greatest pitchers in baseball history. Certainly top 10, and, to me, in the top 5. Does THAT satisfy you, Reade?

What I despise is ridiculous behavior by athletes, and actually, by anyone. I do not admire Maddux ...or ANYONE.....for that garbage....., and its just that simple. How difficult is that to comprehend?

My God if the Red Sox have a flag pole I think they can find it up this guys ***

You know, Kotoll, I dont know you, and I'm sure you're trying to be funny. I started not to even reply to this, but since I'm a little bored right now, with free time.....

Your comment:

"My God if the Red Sox have a flag pole I think they can find it up this guys ***"

This is precisely the type of statement I would expect from someone that thinks that spreading boogers around the inside of a car is hilarious. No offense.

You voted Bush didn't you?

Wait are you a pollster? HAHA omg I kill myself.

No, I recognized Bush for what he was 8 years ago. Please...dont kill yourself.

Now this thread is getting just a little out of hand. I don't think there was any reason for anybody to insult Swampdog.

He's a hotdog on a stick Houston.

BTW could we sticky this post?


Come on this original post was about humor. And the humor pollice came in and broke it up.

:( another funny post gone to HeII :(

and to think I used to play practical jokes like this with my friends all the time. we even stole the hood of his car in a grocery store parking lot once. we had a cop we knew pull him over and start to give him a ticket :p omg he nearly killed up when the cop suddenly started laughing and told him it was a set up.

Thanks, HGM, but I in no way feel insulted. I knew when I took issue with the original post, and subsequent posters views, that I would be in a minority. Its common for people to use lowbrow putdowns when someone disagrees with them. I view this as a discussion... an exchange of views. I'm just making a list of people I won't let use my car.

lol

By a very wise human being, it was said to me this weekend that Americans are conditioned to be 1) obedient, faithful citizens and 2) children their entire lives in terms of emotional and spiritual development.

I'd like to take this moment to thank Greg Maddux, John Smoltz, and several BMO veterans for helping to confirm this for me today.

It's one thing to maintain the youthful spirit of a child.
It's another thing to only maintain and nuture childishness for a lifetime, as an entire society.

Sorry I didn't mean to pollute these forums with my lowbrow humor. it was really ***nine of me. You have a valid arguement.

And Houston I apolligize if I broke any pollices.